Corporate's lingo

ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION:
You'll be making under $7 an hour.

ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY:
You'll be making under $7 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.

PROFIT-SHARING PLAN:
Once it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit.

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:
Inc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since.

IMMEDIATE OPENING:
The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; although a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:
We have a lot of turnover.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

FLEXIBLE HOURS:
Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL
We have no quality control.

COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED:
Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English or religion.

CAREER-MINDED:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:
You whine, you're fired.