- Always knows what to talk about, but doesn't always talk about what he knows.
- Always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats.
- Can always make himself misunderstood.
- Can bring home the bacon without spilling the beans.
- Can convince his wife not to hide her nice body under a floor-length sable.
- Can convince his wife to show off her new coat in a bus rather than in a taxi.
- Can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.
- Can keep his shirt on while getting something off his chest.
- Can look happy when he has unexpected dinner guests.
- Can make his wife believe she will look fat in a mink coat.
- Can make nothing sound like something.
- Can put his best foot forward when he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
- Can put his foot down without stepping on someone's toes.
- Can say the nastiest things in the nicest way.
- Can tell a man he's open-minded when he means he has a hole in his head.
- Can tell you to go to hell so tactfully that you look forward to the trip.
- Comes right out and says what he thinks when he agrees with you.
- Divides his time between running for office and running for cover.
- Has a straightforward way of dodging issues.
- Knows how far to go before he goes too far.
- Lets you do all the talking while he gets what he wants.
- Never tells a woman how nice she looks in a gown. He tells her how nice the gown looks on her.
- Puts his cards on the table, but still has some up each sleeve.
- Straddles an issue whenever he isn't dodging one.
- Will approach every question with an open mouth.
- Will lay down your life for his country.
- Will refuse to answer any question on the ground it might eliminate him.
Showing posts with label Profession. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Profession. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Definitions of A Diplomat
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Interview Techniques
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position
as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions,
ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a
series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and
announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before
answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a
great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of
Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end
of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in
the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the
telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions,
ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a
series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and
announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before
answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a
great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of
Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end
of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in
the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the
telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Signs Everywhere
On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."
On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission"
On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."
At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."
On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?"
In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here."
On a desk in a Reception Room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin."
At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"
On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." (Burglars please copy.)
On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."
Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."
On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."
Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."
On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission"
On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."
At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."
On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?"
In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here."
On a desk in a Reception Room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin."
At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"
On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." (Burglars please copy.)
On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."
Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."
On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
USAF Squawks
"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level
(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for
(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!
(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics
(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level
(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for
(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!
(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Specialist's funeral
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
Friday, August 22, 2008
Lawyers vs Engineers
Three lawyers and three engineers were traveling by train to the same meeting. At the station, the lawyers each buy a ticket but the engineers buy just one. When asked why, the engineers coyly said "You'll see."
They all board the train, the lawyers taking seats, but the three engineers all crowding into the bathroom. After the train has left, the conductor comes around and takes the lawyers tickets and knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket Please." An arm stretches out from the bathroom and the conductor takes the proffered ticket. The lawyers were very impressed.
On the return trip, the lawyers proposed to emulate the gearheads and bought only one ticket. To their amazement, the engineers bought no ticket at all. When asked, the engineers said, "You'll see."
All board the train and the lawyers and engineers cram into seperate bathrooms to await the conductor. After a few minutes, one of the gearheads emerges from the bathroom, goes over to the lawyers bathroom, knocks on the door and says: "Ticket please."
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