1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking,
I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your
seat cushions can be used as flotation devices.
2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography
trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your
flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective
of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of
our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight
seeing extravaganza.
4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!!
Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!
5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)
6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh
....we have to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot
something.....
7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however
the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying
much more efficiently now.
8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the
suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car).
9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a
lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have
to give me some leeway...
10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their
shades and watched the in-flight movie.
11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet
and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!!..
12. Don't worry! That one is always on E...
13. Get the parachutes ready...
14. Drinks are on me...
15. I'll have what the Captain's having...
16. Hey capt'n take another hit man...
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